Bittersweet Septembers

Emily enjoying a September vacation

September is the month of transitions: endings and beginnings. The end of summer and the beginning of fall. When I was growing up my birthday often fell on the first day of school. The beginning of a new grade in school and the start of a new year for me.  My best friend was Jewish. She taught me that the Jewish New Year began in September. It makes so much sense. Why does the world use Julius Caesar’s calendar with the New Year honoring Janus, a god that nobody believes in anymore?

            When I married Mark, whose birthday is also in September, I began celebrating the beginning of his life each year, too.  September became a month for giving and receiving. This, too, is a kind of transition, as I morph from being the one who receives gifts and chocolate cake to being the one who gives presents and bakes cheesecake for Mark a few weeks later. 

            As a child I thought the whole month of September was mine, but as time went on I met more and more people who celebrated their birthdays this month. One was a college friend who was born on the exact day and year that I was. We called ourselves birthday twins and celebrated our birthday together on the years that we could be together. After college we lived hundreds of miles apart, but we sent each other cards in honor of our day. Until the year that I turned 52. Laurie had died of breast cancer a month shy of the birthday that would mark an ending for her and the beginning of my life without a birthday twin. A bittersweet day, because I believed it marked the beginning of a glorious new existence for Laurie, even though I was sad that our time as birthday twins had ended. 

           September is a bittersweet month because endings and beginnings are often sad and happy at the same time. I am always sorry to see summer end, and it annoys me that September is thought of as a fall month when fall doesn’t actually begin until the 21^st or 22^nd day of the month. Early September is usually still hot, and we can still swim if we can find a pool or beach that hasn’t closed.

            The September when my second and youngest child started kindergarten was bittersweet. I was sad knowing that my days with a little one at home were over. But I had a few hours to myself for the first time in seven years and I rediscovered the creativity that had been lying dormant while I was changing diapers and hanging out at the playground. It was the beginning of my writing days that eventually led to many published articles, book reviews, essays, and a book.

            For 14 years, September signaled the first day of school for my children. That was the end of summer fun whether we were ready or not. Now that my children are grown and nobody is going to school, Mark and I can extend summer a little bit longer. Enjoying a vacation in September when most people are in school or at work, is one of the boons of the senior years. Yes, it’s sad knowing that we’ll never again attend our children’s concerts or school plays, but it’s sweet to leave the busy world behind and drive on less-traveled roads to quiet inns and beaches.

            Since becoming a wedding celebrant eleven years ago, I’ve discovered that September is a popular month for weddings. Traditionally, June is considered to be the best month for weddings. This custom is also rooted in the Roman calendar because the goddess, Juno, for whom June is named, was the protector of women, especially in marriage and childbearing. Modern couples are moving away from many traditions, and some choose September because it’s a beautiful month – and a time for new beginnings! This year I didn’t have any June weddings, but I will help eight couples say good-by to singlehood and begin anew as husband and wife.

            I suspect that these weddings will be bittersweet occasions for the parents of the brides and grooms, as they witness their children beginning a new stage of their independent, adult lives. This September is especially bittersweet for me, because I will say good-by to my daughter and grandchildren who have lived nearby for two years and are now moving away to Wisconsin. I can’t even say what the “sweet” part of this ending will be. I just know from experience that most transitions have an up side to them. I’ll find out what it is . . . eventually.