Leave Room for Surprises When Setting Goals

      

      Another year has begun. For many it is a time of reflection; a time to evaluate the accomplishments and disappointments of the past, and to set goals for the new year. One of the perks of the senior life is that many of our lifelong ambitions have either been realized or discarded. Now we have fewer responsibilities and more freedom as we set new goals.

                One new goal that my husband and I share now is to simplify our lives. Recently Mark sold the cargo van he used for his home repair business, so we are down to one car and a motorcycle. He also donated the mountain bike he rarely rode, so while we still have several bikes in the garage, we don’t have any that aren’t being used. We have also been cleaning out our basement, attic, and garage. It’s a slow process considering we’ve lived in the same house for over 29 years! The plan is not to leave our children with a house full of junk to sort through, and we find that we are more content with fewer things to care for.

                Of course, there is always the possibility that we will move some day, but that’s all the more reason to pare down our belongings. For now, however, we are content to stay in our little inner-city farmhouse. We used to think we might move out of town, or buy a house on Goodyear Lake. We thought about retiring to another country in a warmer climate where the cost-of-living is lower. And now that both of our children and our grandchildren live in Wisconsin, people often ask if we think about moving to the Cheese State. There are reasons to move, but there are so many more reasons to stay!

                A few years ago, Mark and I were at a potluck dinner and found ourselves sitting next to a couple from Washington state. They had spent two years traveling around the country, looking for the perfect retirement town, and they had chosen Oneonta. Aren’t we fortunate to live in the town others have moved across the country to retire in? I’m sure they were drawn to this small college town because of its historic downtown, abundant opportunities to enjoy the arts, beautiful parks and surrounding countryside, and its proximity to the many other attractions of central New York. We have access to all of this, and we’ve had 29 years to make our house a home that’s uniquely ours, and to become acquainted with so many people we can’t go anywhere in town without bumping into someone we know.  So, moving is one goal we can dispense with; and the fewer goals we have, the simpler life is.

                Since Mark has retired from both of his careers as a physician’s assistant and a home repair contractor, he has been able to focus on some of his other passions: riding his motorcycle, teaching adaptive skiing, and starting a new career as a singer-songwriter. Over the past couple of years, he has attended several songwriting workshops, written lots of new songs, and performed at local venues.  I like to remind him of Grandma Moses who started painting in earnest at age 78. The senior years are the time of life when we should be free to do the kind of work we enjoy and explore new avenues of creativity.

From a very early age it was my life’s ambition to be a published writer. I thought I would have a career as an author, earning enough money to support myself with my chosen work.  I spent many years writing stories, essays, and books, publishing some and collecting rejection slips for others. I lived much of my life on a rollercoaster – up when a piece was accepted, and down when another was rejected. After one book was finally published, I discovered the other side of the writing life - marketing – for which I am not cut out. This discovery forced me to seek a new goal, but it wasn’t until six years later that I discovered my calling as a life-cycle celebrant, a vocation that hadn’t even existed in this country before the 21^st century. In fact, the Celebrant Foundation & Institute, where I studied, was founded in 2001, the same year that my book was published.

Now, in my senior years, I feel more fulfilled in my work than I ever did before. In addition to creating and performing meaningful wedding ceremonies and a few baby naming and memorial services, I am writing this column for the Daily Star and offering the occasional homily at the Institute for Spiritual Development. What will I do this year? I’m not setting too many goals because I like to leave room in my life for surprises. I’m hoping for some good ones in 2019.  May you some happy surprises in 2019, too!